#8 Don’t Be An Asshole
~ 8 minute read time ~
If I was ever a politician, my manifesto would be very short and easy to follow. My campaign would revolve around the following message:
“Don’t be an asshole!”
I would put it on billboards, in leaflets, those annoying pop-up ads when you’re shopping online, I’d get t-shirts and hats made up.
Ok it might come across as a bit brazen and the language may not be appropriate for some but I intend it to mean “do no harm”, like the surgeon’s credo. Live your life in accordance with your values, just make sure those values aren’t the ones that an asshole might have.
Racist - yeah don’t be an asshole.
Sexist - asshole.
Immigration - go far enough back in time and we’re all immigrants! Don’t be an asshole.
Drive a BMW - asshole (JOKE)…
The point I’m crudely trying to make is conduct yourself honourably, always choose the right thing, even if it’s hard or inconvenient. Deep down we all know what the right thing is at any given moment. You know when you’ve not done the right thing, there’s a queasy feeling, a sense of guilt, a hope that “just this once let me get away with it please” - nah, nope, not happening.
We’ve all got to be accountable. Own your own stuff - by that I mean, whatever your actions are make sure you accept the consequences. Even if unintended consequences put a crimp in your day, own it, accept it, apologise, move on. Problems arise when we don’t do these things. When we don’t say sorry, when we’re a slave to our ego I DESERVE THIS, THAT’S YOUR FAULT NOT MINE - asshole move.
Hurt people hurt people. If you have pain, address it, call it out and face it. I know it’s horrible but don’t kick the can down the road for someone else to trip over. Don’t visit your pain onto anyone else, that’s not kind or fair. Even if your pain was caused by someone else, name it, label it and deal with it. Start to heal it.
For years, I avoided all kinds of uncomfortable truths in the hope of it all going away. It didn’t. I was an asshole. I thought I was a good person who was just suffering and wasn’t dealing with things very well, but I was impacting everyone around me. If I had been more aware, braver and stronger I’d have faced my issues earlier and not let things spiral.
I’ve been through the mill emotionally - divorce, angst about my work-situation, trying to find my purpose whatever the frick that is? I still have asshole tendencies but I’m better at catching it and stopping the old patterns from running. It takes work and a certain level of consciousness, but by being aware and taking action to mitigate my assholishness (yeah I’m coining it) it helps stop poor behaviour in its tracks. It stops attracting drama and I’ve noticed better, nicer, more serendipitous things happening for me either directly or indirectly as a result.
By nipping my assholish behaviour in the butt (sorry), I mean bud, I’m handing the keys to my higher self instead of the toddler in the room. When I’m angry or sad, rather than acting in accordance with my ego who is prone to tantrums I take a moment - breathe, pause, reset, count to 10 - and by pausing, it allows me to intercept the old programs from running automatically. I’ve consciously taken over the steering wheel of this “meat vehicle” and can make better choices. The ego-toddler can still have its facedown tantrum quietly in the backseat while the adult takes over.
The great thing is, if we all did this, one-by-one on an individual basis then society as a whole would benefit greatly. Fewer assholes means a less assholish world. Instead of standing by and letting assholes be assholes, politely ask them to refrain and be better, invite them to do better and let us all hold them to account. If we demand it of ourselves, hopefully others will respond and do the same. That’s why all our politicians are sociopathic assholes right now, society gets the politicians it deserves.
Except we probably won’t because we’re humans after all, we’re flawed, we’re emotional. The assholes of Earth, do you ever see a dolphin or an elephant be an asshole? We struggle against our nature, that’s the human condition I suppose. We’re a Higher Being housed inside an animal body. It’s a battle for sure. We can hope, we can try though? That’s what courage and spirit is. That’s why we watch movies with uplifting endings, we know we’re on a journey and we’ll face struggles along the way and we hope we’ll have enough character, spirit and inner fire to have done something worth celebrating.
Well, at the very least if you and I choose not to be assholes then that’s a start isn’t it? What will you do (or not do) today that will be less assholish?
I suppose a more acceptable way to say what I’ve been trying (and failing) to say is:
Be kind.
Too saccharine?
Ok then.
Don’t be an asshole.
Love
LP x
