#27 Beware Your Contradictions
~ 8 minute read time ~
“In the contradiction lies the hope.”
We all like to talk a good game, but do we play in a way that aligns with it? Do we walk the talk?
Being a living, breathing contradiction is probably the perfect description of this Human Condition.
We’re a divine eternal soul housed in a meat suit! We can hold high ideals but still laugh at fart jokes (c’mon, never not funny!).🤣🤔
We can expound virtuous opinions on the environment, yet not bother to recycle our rubbish.
Talk all you want about justice and equality, yet do you speak up in the presence of bigoted opinion because it’s too much agro or hassle?
I suppose our character is formed around the choices we make in thoughts, beliefs, our words and, ultimately, our behaviour. How do we reconcile a belief with how we actually act?
Do you keep your word? Not only to others, but to yourself? If you can’t trust your own word then what do you stand for?
Do we speak proudly of our hopes for world peace, eradicating hunger and poverty and then do nothing except feel glad it’s not us when watching it on the News? I mean, someone else can sort that out right?
I constantly work on trying to align the things I think, say and do yet often fall well short. It’s a daily effort to try, do and be better. I think what makes us human is knowing we can hope and want things to be better, not just for us but for everyone everywhere, but our sphere of influence and control seems so small that we think there’s no use in trying.
On a simple level, I think we can contribute in our own homes and communities. If only 1% of the world’s population acted upon their positive intentions, that would mean 700 million people had improved and raised the standard of the whole. That’s huge and 1% is not even that ambitious is it?
“Aim to be a peacemaker, not a warmonger.”
If we wish for world peace, look at ways of bringing peace to our families by being patient, kind and listening to each other. Start in our own little corners.
Don’t fret about war, when you’re constantly fighting with people - granted, the weaponry is significantly different but aggression still causes pain, loss, grief and all kinds of damage. Aim to be a peacemaker, not a warmonger.
Don’t say you don’t like conflict yet still cling on to always being right in having the last word.
Don’t say you want to be fitter and healthier, then follow it up by not running/working out/doing yoga.
Don’t tell your kids off for behaviour you don’t like in them, then not hold yourself to the same standard.
Don’t state that you wish you could wake up earlier each day to achieve more, then stay up late bingeing social media or Netflix. Don’t believe that ‘there are just not enough hours in the day!’
These are platitudes designed to let ourselves off the hook.
Equally, don’t berate yourself each time you do any version of the above - we’re human, we’re imperfect. We will always fail if we’re truly trying, and that’s ok. Try again, fail better, learn, fail better again.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
The crux of what shows character is in the striving, the desire, the passion to try, at the very least, to do and be a little bit better each day in the face of challenge.
“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.”
Having clocked a few miles on life’s odometer, I find that I’m more accepting of my contradictions and I’m happier to have them pointed out to me which was not always the case.
Feedback is a chance to learn, to correct your course. Don’t be so defensive of your contradictions, it may be a blindspot for you and a friendly gift if you can see where your rough edges are.
It can shine as a lighthouse guiding you safely from becoming a wreck on the rocks of your own making.
“As a father, I often contradict myself, and I know I could do a better job of practicing what I preach, but I’ve also learned that if the message is true, don’t forget it, and forgive the messenger, even if he does.”
My children have taught me so much in reflecting back my contradictions. DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO DAMNIT does not pass muster these days. The younger ones are coming for us, our old structures, some traditions and many not-fit-for-purpose processes that probably never worked anyway are being challenged.
New information, energy and technology is coming to light so fast that if you cling for dear life to a belief that is clearly outdated, plain wrong, or just doesn’t serve you, let it go - change your position.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
I heard a lovely sailing analogy recently, where life requires constant ‘tacking’.
It means a sailing vessel whose desired course is into the wind, turns its bow towards the wind so that the direction the wind is blowing changes from one side to the other, allowing progress in the desired direction.
So by watching your contradictions, working on them and by tacking, and not holding so steadfastly to your position that your direction of travel is met with struggle, resistance, friction, stress, pain - you can create for yourself a sense of progress, flow and aim towards peaceful contentment.
Instead of fighting against something based on a thought, a belief and causing yourself suffering - why not change your mind, accept what is, see which way the wind is actually blowing and adjust your sails accordingly.
It’s not giving up, it’s playing the conditions. Life is only a game after all.
If we look to the natural world, biology holds many answers for us. According to britannica.com:
“Homeostasis, any self-regulating process by which biological systems tend to maintain stability while adjusting to conditions that are optimal for survival. If homeostasis is successful, life continues; if unsuccessful, disaster or death ensues. The stability attained is actually a dynamic equilibrium, in which continuous change occurs yet relatively uniform conditions prevail.”
Courtesy of BiologyDictionary.net
By creating our own internal framework by regulating our thoughts, opinions and behaviours based on negative feedback, we can trim and edit to ensure a dynamic equilibrium for our lives.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
Essentially, being aware of our contradictions and seeing where we consistently fall short in the space between what we think and say versus what we do, we can be more successful in our development.
It puts a control mechanism, a thermostat if you will, in place to better manage our cycles of behaviour which should resonate with anyone who has ever exclaimed:
“WHY DOES THE SAME SHIT KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?”
Love
LP x
