#28 You’re An Angel To Somebody
~ 10 minute read time ~
Sketch courtesy of Heidi, 11 yrs old
Lockdown is properly getting old now isn’t it?
How many walks? How much reading? Too many draining Zoom calls and hours of Netflix/Prime Video/Disney+ watched? Loads of WhatsApp memes, Instagram LIVE posts, too many shrieking News headlines.
Stop I want to get off this ride!
These are the hard yards, where we must endure. Expectations have to be managed further. Focus on what we can do, not what we can’t do.
We must see past our current circumstances, difficult though it may seem right now.
Set mini goals and achieve them, they don’t have to be massively significant. They could be as simple as having a shower, cooking a meal, reading a chapter of your book or if you’re juggling work/life then just trying to get through the day with as much patience, calm and grace as possible.
We can’t do it all. It’s tough at the moment. Which is why just doing you, being you as best you can also means you might be inspiring others who are struggling.
By just getting up, living, breathing and moving through the discomfort is hugely inspiring. Make sure you stay connected to friends, family by whatever means you have available.
Also, stop any negative self-talk around not feeling like you’re doing enough - you’re doing exactly as you need to right now and that’s plenty. You’re doing the best for your kids, you’re doing as much work as you can and anything else on top of that is gravy.
I find when I’m feeling strong, someone in my circle isn’t and I help them. Then reciprocally, when I’m at a low ebb, it coincides with my friends being positive and they boost me back up. This is how we get through this difficult moment. It is but a moment in our lives.
As you know, I refuse to use the language we always hear in the News ‘tough/crazy/difficult times’ or ‘amid…’ because it perpetuates the suffering. Make a promise to me and yourself now… do not use the phrases pushed onto us by the Media.
It adds to the narrative of fear. Write your own lockdown story, it doesn’t have to be one of difficulty and suffering, even if the reality is hard and the fear is real, tell yourself a version of the story that helps not hinders you.
La Vita é Bella
If you’ve ever seen the Italian film Life Is Beautiful (1997) by Roberto Benigni, it’s a kind-hearted fable of an open-minded Jewish librarian and his son who become victims of the Holocaust. He uses a perfect mixture of will, humour, and imagination to protect his son from the dangers around their camp. It won the Best Foreign Language Film at the Oscars in 1999.
The human will is mighty, even in the face of horrendous circumstances where there is huge suffering, there are those who bear it by choosing their reactions and therefore shaping their reality of it. Then there are those who further add to their sense of suffering by emphasising their feeling of victimhood.
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
For example, in a study of monk’s brains, scientists measured responses to physical pain (a heat pad on the calf) versus those of a control group of non-meditators based on blood flow to regions of the brain. The results were fascinating. The people who were non-meditators showed two responses to pain - the reaction to the heat pad (physical pain) was momentary and passed as soon as it stopped, then there was a secondary response (emotional pain).
Essentially, the non-meditators added an extra layer of emotional stress as a reaction to the pain. Whereas, the monks, only had a response to the physical pain and no residual emotional suffering afterwards. Following meditation training, the same subjects reported both a 40% reduction in pain intensity and a 57% reduction in pain unpleasantness.
There is an old Buddhist saying ‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional’.
So, while the pain of enduring the lockdown is inevitable, the sense of suffering around it is a choice and requires energy to sustain it. Focus on things that build you up, that sparks joy in you and those around you. Switch off the News, stay informed but limit the hyperbolic drama of anything other than the basics of what you need to know. It’s all just speculation and opinion which only adds to the feeling of overwhelm.
Without knowing it, by doing the very best you can each day, and that may not feel like very much at all, it’s still showing the world that you’re unbowed and unbuckled by outside circumstances. You’re living the best life you can in the given conditions. By consistently managing yourself, getting up, living your truth whatever that may be right now, by checking in on yourself and others you are inspiring people.
There is someone in your network of people who sees what you’re doing and it’s keeping them going too. You’re their angel, yet you may never even know. Maybe one day they’ll tell you over drinks when this has all passed through. Equally, there may be someone you look to for strength.
Just by being you and doing what you can, you may be saving someone else’s life because if you can endure it - they can endure it.
We can all endure this.
I love stories of humans overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds. People who jumped into rivers to save a child or an animal with no thoughts for themselves. Those who provide support to others even when their own situation appears dire.
You’re an angel to somebody - whether it be a call or a text sent at just the moment it was needed, or a smile at a stranger on a socially-distanced walk that was the only kind face they saw that day, or the shopping you did for a shielding neighbour or it could just be the hug you gave to your kids after a particularly frustrating home-schooling day.
This is what has been put on our path as a test of our generation, we are finding reserves we never knew we had. We are learning that we can not only cope, survive, we can thrive with less. We are re-writing the stories of our lives.
It’s a tough time no doubt about that. Lives, jobs and many assumed comforts have been lost yet community, strength, kindness and our human spirit have been found or re-discovered. We may realise that we probably trusted our Governments far too much to lead when they’re flawed humans just winging it like the rest of us.
You may think you’ve depleted your reserves of patience and endurance with this third lockdown, but you haven’t - our capacity for dealing with things is entirely limitless depending on how we choose to experience it. Our lives are not ‘real’, everything we experience is through our senses which end up as electrical signals in our brains. The same as our thoughts, which are entirely under our control.
Our ‘reality’ then is a perception of a perception. Once we know this, we can hack our experience by shifting our focus and energy towards a more positive light. Regardless of what’s happening ‘out there’, you’re the creator of your world ‘in here’.
You’re an angel to somebody, just make sure to be one for yourself as well.
Love
LP x
Here are some resources that I’ve found hugely helpful during this lockdown which may help you:
Comforting Videos:
Yoga with Adriene - lovely, kind, gentle yoga. I swear she’s an Earth Angel
My Self Reliance - Canadian guy builds a cabin in the woods, so calming
Comforting Books:
The Daily Stoic - 2000 year old wisdom, philosophy to live your life by. I read this every day without fail
The Boy, The Mole, The Fox & The Horse - much loved, beautiful book that you can just dip into when you need some solace
Grow Through It - another beautifully illustrated book, simple yet wise
Comforting Audio:
Transforming Fear - Wonderfully calming, restorative meditation voiced by Sarah Blondin
When We Must Endure - Another healing, magical meditation from Sarah Blondin. I find her voice cuts through any anxiety and speaks to the calmer, more knowing part of your consciousness
