#20 Merry COVIDmas
~ 18 minute read time ~
Firstly, WELL DONE. Truly!
Lockdown 2.0 is nearly over. That went quickly didn’t it? Was it so bad? Ok, it may not be completely over as the UK will be entering into a tiered system but it goes to show how quickly people can get on with things once they accept it and go about their lives.
As I’ve talked about before, things are always much worse in our minds than in reality. We can often increase our sense of suffering just by dwelling on things for too long.
Well at least Christmas is on its way, for good or bad. I’ve noticed in my local village that the lights are up on people’s houses and decorations inside too. I think it shows a lovely spirit that we all want to draw a line under COVID-afflicted 2020, hope for better to come and get this grand old winter tradition started.
I get a sense that, at the very least, many people just want as good a Christmas as possible in the given circumstances. Let’s make the best of it.
“KEEP CALM AND MERRY CHRISTMAS”
I think we should all focus on the fun side and not dwell on who we’re unable to see. To be honest, I often hear that Christmas is stressful for many because they have to tolerate various branches of family under one roof for longer than usual. Or those who have lost loved ones and this time of year often intensifies their pain.
This tiered lockdown gives many of us a solid excuse to have the quiet Christmas we always wanted, or said that we wanted and rarely ever did. For me, 2020 has served as a huge wake-up call personally which forced me to really delve deep into what I valued, and what I thought I valued. It made me re-appraise and question everything; from my work life, to my relationships, my living situation all the way through to my diet and specifically my physical, emotional and mental health.
At times it has been difficult and uncomfortable, when you look in the mirror - there’s no-one else to blame for the situation you find yourself in. This reminds me of the wise old Nietzsche quote:
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
It’ll be interesting how each and every one of us reflects on and assesses this year. For many, being forced into lockdown from March through to August or longer for some, was similar to staring into the abyss that Nietzsche talks about. We had to stay in, only allowed out once a day for exercise - which meant we suddenly had a lot more time on our hands.
How we chose to spend all that extra time will probably determine our final reckoning on how we choose to file away and remember 2020. I read news stories of positive transformations - people getting fit, creative pursuits, learning languages or musical instruments. Others decided to change, or had to change, careers and are now ending the year in new roles that they’d never have even imagined back when the year started.
Working From Home (WFH) became the norm for many. We learned a whole new vocabulary ‘pandemic’, ’furlough’, ‘R numbers for rates of infection’, ‘novel virus’, ‘Corona’, ‘COVID-19’ as well as overused phrases such as ‘uncertain times’, ’amidst’ and the absolute worst ‘NOW MORE THAN EVER’! 🤢
Weirdly, I think I will forever be grateful for the challenges this year has brought my way. It served to underline some things that were not right in my life. If you’ve been reading the blog regularly you’ll know about my painful divorce and how I’ve worked my way through the healing process of that. All the while ensuring I try to be as good a father as I can to my two children, their resilience and unconditional love has taught me so much.
The biggest lesson for me I think has been that I have far deeper reserves of strength, grit, hope and showing-up-for-myself than I ever gave myself credit for. I’m proud that I’ve become my own best friend. The thing I love most is that through healing myself, and not just post-divorce but post-divorce during The Viral Apocalypse (ooh, great name for a punk band!!), I’ve hopefully shown others that regardless of what’s going on around you, you still have the power of choice in all things and shape your experience around it.
I’ve admired seeing the same sense of hope and grace under pressure in others. The NHS key workers, the postal workers, the teachers, the delivery drivers who’ve kept us stocked up as we shopped online. The parents juggling work and home-schooling kids. Well, basically everyone - we’ve all gone through this as a shared experience and I feel a greater sense of kinship and connection with others after this than ever before.
I think we all need to have each other’s backs more diligently, especially going into the festive season. It can be a really tough time for many in a ‘normal’ year, but with many lives lost and others forced to live in a state of flux for most of this year, I wonder if The Most Wonderful Time of the Year may come harder for some? Take a bit more time asking after others.
As with all injuries, the bruising may take a little while to come to the surface. What I mean is, having had two significant spells in lockdown with heightened levels of stress, I envisage there being a slightly delayed response as people process what has happened and how they feel about it.
In short, there will quite likely be a Mental Health pandemic to follow all this, as evidenced by the UK Government provisioning an extra £500m for mental health services in the budget.
I flag this not to alarm or scare you. My aim is to try and evoke in you a sense of compassion for your fellow humans. I’ve decided that there’s huge value in the pain I’ve suffered having come through it stronger than I was before. So I’m looking into how I can re-train and position myself as some kind of coach, mentor, guide when the need arises.
I realised that being forced into locked down, turning within and really questioning my values, my why - my reason for being, my job suddenly felt entirely trivial and unimportant. I couldn’t see how what I did had any significant contribution to society. I felt utterly useless, disengaged, and stressed about what I did for a living. Paying the bills just wasn’t enough of a driver for me. It was horrible, I was wasting time and it made me feel the lowest I’ve ever felt.
Which was great, in a painful way, because I realised that I needed to change and not just for me, but for the good of all. As a sensitive person, I feel other people’s pain, I pick up vibes which is why I become easily drained in crowds. It’s more than just being a natural introvert, it’s about being empathic, connected and feeling people’s emotions all the time. Which is why I’m very protective of my time and personal space. I need time alone to re-balance, re-centre and re-charge so I can give of myself more freely to others again and again.
I know that in 2021, there will be a huge need for mental health services - for listening, for advice, people will need to know that we’re all going to be ok. It will be ok. I imagine many will hit crisis point in some area of their lives due to having had so much time to focus on things, more time to think, more time for our monkey minds to wind us up.
There may be a rise in rates of divorce as couples realise that when all the outside noise is switched off and all that’s left is each other - it may reveal where the cracks are in relationships. Equally, relationships may have strengthened with more babies being born in 2021! Also, people changing jobs and careers either through choice or otherwise will need help through that as any big transition is always a little scary.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, I’ve learned that the only true fear is fear itself. Having stared into the abyss, and not just looking deeply into the unknown but stepping out into it, I’ve found that I haven’t fallen apart at the seams, I’ve not collapsed under the pressure and I’m not going back to old bad habits to stabilise me either. I’m proceeding with hope, good intentions and I’m shining my torch of loving kindness into the darkness and I’m happy to report there’s nothing to be afraid of.
The darkness is just an opportunity to shine your light as brightly as you can. Don’t go forward trepidatiously or fearfully, don’t keep yourself small and hope not to get noticed. Go forward proudly, own your essence and reveal it to the world. Share your story as I’m sharing mine here. The world needs stories. Stories are all we have. I’ll walk alongside you should you need a steadying hand. That’s why I write this blog, I’ll always be here for you. Please contact me if you need a more personal response.
I realise that the secret to a purposeful life is service - being of service to others. The highest good anyone can positively achieve, isn’t personal or material wealth, it’s in how much can you give to others?
Even at my lowest, the way I found my way out of the darkest abyss was in being grateful for all that I had, realising that others were worse off than me and then figuring out a way I could help. If you’re suffering now, think of ways you can help someone else who is suffering and you’ll feel better.
I kept asking myself ‘what is my purpose’ and ‘what am I here for’? Through a daily practice of improving my choices, my thinking, my actions and changing my habits I realised that my natural tendencies and talents are in communicating with people, building rapport and finding out what makes them tick so that I can see or feel their pain and know intuitively through further discussions how I can help them.
The greatest thing I’ve learnt this year is that we’re all perfectly capable of healing, of being whole, of being enough for ourselves without relying on anything external to us.
I can tell you that you’re great, you’re made of stardust, that you’re the culmination of your ancestral line. Ancestors who have passed along secret messages in their genetic code to you. Messages telling you that you can do literally anything if you become still, quiet and listen to that inner voice (not the egoic voice, your soul’s voice, your intuition, your gut) but you won’t accept it until you do the work yourself and walk the path to your own enlightenment.
The old cliche of ‘you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’ has never been more true. I’ve had many conversations with friends, colleagues and acquaintances where I’ve tried to convey to them that their greatness is within and all they need to do is get out of the way of themselves, walk towards it and embrace it. Yet they won’t or don’t see it or they don’t believe it’s possible. They repeat their old programming, their self-limiting beliefs that keep them in their societal box.
So, now we welcome December and Christmas is only a few weeks away. Let’s all park the fear, the fake news, embrace the joy of the season and make this as wonderful a Christmas as we possibly can. Or whatever tradition it is that you celebrate.
Let’s be kind, let's check in on each other, really ask if your people are ok instead of accepting ‘fine’ as an answer, be kind to strangers, smile behind your mask - they may not see your smile but they can tell by your eyes. For some, it may well be the only smile they receive that day.
Make kindness and compassion your first response when dealing with difficulty, as opposed to fear and anger.
Enjoy yourself, but make sure you take time to pause and reflect on what you’ve learned from this year, what you want to take away from it and carry forward with you.
Don’t just write off 2020 as an annus horribilis, because being dismissive of it would be to undermine the potential teachings. There’s value and learning in all experiences good, bad or otherwise. Anything is possible - your thoughts and your actions make it so.
Merry COVIDmas!!!
Love
LP x
