#2 Call in Healthy
~ 20 minute read ~
You know when you’re ill and you call in sick to work?
Well, what do you call it when you’re fine and you realise that your job is no longer serving you? You’ve had an awakening and you just can’t stand to do it anymore? You may feel stressed? What if everything else is fine but work is your biggest blockage?
After I’d read ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle, all of the years of wanting more and asking “there’s GOT to be more to life than this?!” suddenly felt even more urgent. There’s a Chinese proverb which sums this up best:
“The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
After years of angst, resistance and struggle causing huge dissatisfaction and malaise in my life. I finally realised I needed out. I quit. Oh and here comes the mind and ego giving me shit, like they’ve always done…
“What if you don’t get another job?”
“What are you going to do for money?”
“What will people think?”
“If not this then what else? You can’t draw, you can’t play any instruments? You’re too old to be a pro footballer /rugby player / golfer / tiddlywinks master?”
Well, this is where you have to learn - and I’m still learning - to step back from your own mind and be a witness to those thoughts. Once you realise that you are not your mind, you are not that little voice in your head (yeah firk off ego you liar!) that’s where the quiet/stillness/peace is. It takes practice. The old patterns and habitual thinking try to fight back, especially if/when you start meditating.
It’s like your ego is the bad guy/girl in the movie and you, the hero(ine), finally know it’s time for the big showdown. The game is up! The thoughts and narratives you always told yourself were you and part of your ‘story’ suddenly are shown up as false. They live in the past and that’s where they belong. Why continue to carry them onwards?
The ego fights back like the powerful dragon/demon/monster that it is. Why is it so powerful? How come it knows all my best moves? Why can’t I can’t I defeat it?
“Luke, I am your father!”
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” (Thanks George Lucas)
The reason that your ego is such a powerful foe is because you’ve given it all your power. You’ve fed your ego everyday of your life that you’ve been ‘unconscious’, every time you choose the easy option, every time you hit the snooze button, every time you say IT’S JUST TOO HARD - you’ve been feeding the ego. The ego and your mind want you to play it safe, when you find yourself saying “I hate uncertainty” that’s your mind saying that.
Trouble is there’s another word for “uncertainty” - opportunity. If you remove all uncertainty in your life because of fear-based thinking, then that is when you feel “stuck”, you remove the possibility of new opportunities from coming into your life.
I know, I’m an expert at living in my mind and continually playing the “What if?” game:
What if…
I fail?
I don’t like it?
No-one likes me?
I have no money?
I end up living on the street?
I die?!
Aarrrrgghghgh
Yeah but also what if…
I thrive and succeed?
Everyday feels like a gift?
I help someone?
I help lots of people?
I achieve amazing health and wealth?
I find my purpose?
Wouldn’t that be magic? Wouldn’t that be a life worth living?
Imagine that! No seriously, IMAGINE THAT and feel how it feels as you think about these wonderful things. That’s a glimpse into something special. Oh but then you snap back to ‘reality’ and then the ego starts chirping in your ear-brain like a nagging parent, then you do nothing. Just like I did for 20 years. You do nothing cos dreams never paid the rent/mortgage/car payments/kids shoes etc.
You can start to change your life decision by decision though. It is achievable. The small moments when you don’t hit snooze and GET UP, when you actually go for that walk/run, you finally use that gym membership, each step towards action creates a new future. The Unknown slowly becomes the Known. A better Known than you thought you knew before. Even better than in your wildest imagination. Then you look back and see how far you’ve come and you’re at the top of your Everest, or whatever your figurative summit is.
You’re now X lbs lighter, your smile is brighter, your pain has reduced or gone completely, things seem a bit easier. See it, believe it, achieve it. That ego of yours that was so strong and scary, like the fiery furnace in the basement from Home Alone that little Kevin McCallister overcomes by telling it to “SHUT UP!”, is drained of all its power and the fear goes away. You’ve pulled the plug on the negative self-talk, you’ve starved it of the food it needed to thrive and thus have power over you.
Once you’ve had a taste, it’s harder to go back. Really hard, and the more you resist, the more painful it remains. For me, I stayed in a career I never wanted for too long. I began to feel ill. It poisoned the rest of my life, it poisoned me - my ego LOVED it. I decided after sticking at it for far too long that I just had to drop it. One week where I’d had enough, I had a million priorities (other people’s priorities may I add, not mine) I decided to finally let go. I called in ‘sick’ - I got signed off with stress to give me time. Speak to your GP, they’re there to help. Don’t suffer.
Then I thought how odd it was, that in this system I had to call in ‘sick’. To me, the work environment was toxic. Ironically, I worked for a care provider, yet I didn’t feel particularly cared for. In my mind, I was finally calling in ‘healthy’ to a sick environment. One where I was set up to fail regardless of my level of endeavour.
So, and you’ll find this too, once you start awakening and questioning everything, all of the received ‘wisdom’ starts to appear as a sham, a lie and we’re all responsible in perpetuating it. If you’re a soulful, spiritual person then the corporate world is not your best forum to express your true self. I was always asking my colleagues and friends questions about why do we do this? What’s the purpose of that? And most of the time the answers were either “just because…” or “we’ve always done it this way”.
To an enquiring mind/soul/Being, this is hard to accept. I have to know the “why” so I can see if it connects with my purpose and check if there’s alignment. And no matter how hard I tried I could never find a reason for my salaried job - make someone else richer? Please the Board/Shareholders? Extend the house?
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And then once you start to shun this “normal” life - you become the “weird” one? I’m weird? What’s weird about wanting to live a life filled with purpose and joy? I truly mean joy too. Joy comes from within and does not rely on external factors. Don’t confuse pleasure for joy, pleasure is dependent on external factors and can therefore easily be taken away.
What if the endless pursuit of more material goods is not your bag? Sure, I like stuff but how much stuff do we really need? Ok, books. Yes, books are a beautiful thing, as are records but I digress.
I hit absolute rock-bottom with work. I was sitting at home feeling as low as can be, now a permanent home-worker due to the impact of COVID-19 lockdown measures. I had the virtual feeling of management standing over my shoulder wanting to know when X, Y and Z were going to be delivered. It was worse than the old office days, as this was in my own home, infecting my private life, my safe space, my haven!
You’ve been invited to a Skype/Teams/Zoom/Webex meeting ad infinitum - DECLINE. Propose New Time? Ok, how about never?
Enough. I called in ‘sick’, got signed off with stress and eventually left that job. I instantly felt better for it. It’s a transition. Yes it’s scary, but it’s exciting. It’s uncertain, but there’s now opportunity where none existed before.
So, let me ask you - did I call in sick? Or did I actually call in healthy?
Is it the new adventure or the same old path?
The red pill or the blue pill?
For you now it may be somewhere in between because we all need incomes and as much as we’d all love to jump, some people have to bide their time and build up slowly. Don’t put it off though, start now and do a little bit of whatever it is everyday. Relinquish that trapped feeling you may have now, and maybe try getting up a little earlier to give yourself more time to do the things you love.
Yes I have kids too, we all have commitments. I am not one of those holier-than-thou bloggers who have ice pools, saunas and £100,000,000 in the bank. You can start to drop the habits that steal your time and don’t serve you *cough cough mindlessly watching TV, scrolling Facebook, online shopping cough cough* (yes I did all of this). Instead, try and use this ‘dead time’ and change it into ‘alive time’. It’s amazing how much time you can create when you bring some consciousness to it.
Research that course you’re interested in, meet that friend you’ve not seen for ages (social distancing rules permitting), drive a different route to/from work - whatever, don’t wait for the motivation to somehow arrive, create your own motivation through action. No matter how small, do a little bit everyday - good and bad habits are just the things we repeatedly do over a period of time. Unlearn the bad ones and replace with better ones, it’ll change your life. It just requires some discipline and consistency.
Tell your inner voice that you’re ok, thanks for trying to (over) protect you but you’ve got this from now on. It’ll still be there, and at times it may try to come roaring back, but breathe, step back, let go and just Be You. And truly, deeply Be OK with being you, with no judgement. Only kindness and acceptance. When your ego starts to have a tantrum, instead of reacting to it you’ll now know that you’re the adult in the room and it’s ok to observe it. The ego will get tired eventually, especially now you’ve stopped feeding it.
Be quiet with your mind, you’ll start getting messages and answers will come.
Like in the classic film “Field of Dreams” - IF YOU BUILD IT, PEOPLE WILL COME.
Go. Be. Do.
Love
LP x
