#18 Curiosity & Courage
~ 15 minute read time ~
What’s my purpose?
What was I put on this planet to do?
What am I here for?
It’s the eternal question that illustrates both the burden and the joy of the human condition.
Have you ever asked yourself a version of these questions? I know I have, it’s always nagged at me and it’s been screaming louder at me these last few years and months, especially during Lockdown Parts I & II. It’s what is driving me now to try new things and to break old cycles that prevented me from uncovering it.
I have to admit to being a little envious of those who find their thing early in life and love what they do. That ‘thing’ can be anything from being a yoga teacher to a plumber or a software developer, right across the spectrum through to athlete, baker, musician to any number of wonderful vocations.
Those who love what they do every day have somehow found something that truly aligns with their desires, dreams, skills/talents, hopes and energy levels. It’s something they wanted to do even when things got difficult. They are uniquely placed to do it too.
Then there are the many who live whole lives and never find their ‘thing’. People die wondering or with regrets. Or they do find part of it and it manifests itself as a hobby or extracurricular activity that has to run alongside a ‘day job’.
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realise that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it… Life is long if you know how to use it.”
After those instances, is where a good number of people reside. Individuals who have lived a life so far and still have no idea what it is they want to do… Like me, at 41 years of age who has spent the best part of 20 years doing work that I dislike/hate and have no interest in just to pay the bills and keep a roof overhead because it’s all I felt I could do out of university. There’s no shame in it, in fact, so many people do this that it’s considered ‘normal’.
The school/college/university system spits you out into the world at 16, 18 or early 20s and you’re ill prepared for what lies ahead.
My issues began when I started to question how ‘normal’ was it to be doing something every day that I had no interest in, that eventually caused me physical and emotional distress? My body was fully inflamed - I had constant headaches, terrible migraines, back and neck pain, tendonitis in both Achilles - my body was literally screaming out for change.
Yet, I carried on - popped some painkillers whenever I was sore and believed that I was living a ‘normal’ life in doing unfulfilling work that was not aligned to my own values, and living each pay-day to pay-day hoping the weekends would hurry up and arrive. And then when the weekends did come around, hope that they didn’t pass too quickly, which they always did.
So if living out of alignment with your true self is what is considered ‘normal’. Why then, do we have record levels of depression, anxiety and stress - not to mention the physical illnesses that are a result of these mental issues - lifestyle diseases such as obesity, diabetes and cancer etc? Granted, not all cases of these illnesses are the result of poor lifestyle choices but a significant number are and that’s where we can make a choice.
Imagine a society where we are allowed time and space to find out more about ourselves. To facilitate emotional wellbeing and health, so that our minds and our bodies are aligned to the point of good health being the norm, as opposed to illness and poor health being the norm. We’d be happier and healthier as individuals, as a society and there’d be less strain on health services.
Obesity isn’t a physical illness, it’s an emotional one. If you find this offensive that’s probably because it’s letting people off the hook saying it’s ‘genetic’ or ‘They have a condition’. Yes, the human body can take many forms; all shapes and sizes but morbid obesity is not a natural state for the human body to take. The human body is designed for movement and activity, the earliest humans were nomadic and covered vast distances. It is those ancestors from which we have evolved.
A psychologist may suggest that obesity is a physical outcome of an unhealed emotion within, one where food is used as an emotional crutch to comfort the individual. Similar to alcoholism and people who are addicted to nicotine or any other substances. There is an attachment to an external thing for which that persons’s emotional stability is entirely dependent.
As soon as we bring awareness to our inner pain, become conscious of it and then start the process of healing by accepting it. By unpicking all of the false narratives and self-limiting beliefs tangled up within it, our dependency on finding things external to us becomes reduced. We realise that what we need ‘out there’, is actually ‘in here’ so follow that thread and go within. Find out about yourself and who you are.
If any of the above has triggered, enraged or upset you then focus on which bit caused that reaction. That’s where your healing needs to be. Trust me, I have walked this path. My crutches were food, drink and retail therapy: I over-ate, drank too much too often and wasted thousands of pounds on junk from Amazon mainly.
When I was in the deepest part of my rut, I would order something online - feel that temporary buzz of excitement. Then it would arrive the next day (yay for Prime next day delivery!), I’d open the box, look at it then put it on the shelf and I’d feel weirdly empty. My ego had directed me to make a purchase because I didn’t feel I was enough as I was. I had that story of ‘if I just buy that thing then I’ll be happy’ going around in my head. Then once the thing arrived, I felt nothing, just more emptiness and regret that I’d wasted more money.
Even worse, if you saw my email inbox, you wouldn’t see emails from friends or family, you’d see order notifications or sales updates from online stores.
Sadly, the modern Western-world is designed to feed, grow and profit from this self-serving behaviour - fast food, fast retail, next day delivery and you don’t even need to leave your home. It all comes to you, just enter your card details.
Marketing is so sophisticated now that they know what you’re going to order before you do. The big tech firms Amazon, Google, Facebook, Twitter et al have designed their platforms in such a way as to bypass your conscious mind so you like/comment/engage even before you realise it. There is a tech-based arms race to reach the human brain stem first, watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix - it’s truly sobering.
Call me a cynic but the focus on materialism and acquiring the new, upgraded iDevice every year is all some people ever dream about. I think now though, with this year showing what an utter Shit Show 2020™ we were all living in, we’ve had to let go of a lot of unnecessary and extraneous pursuits.
“2020 - what a complete Shit Show!”
I’ve heard of people changing habits and behaviours because of the lockdown. Some have taken up yoga, started walking or running regularly, others have stopped doing things they always did before. I’ve read online posts with people saying they didn't realise how much money they spent on their daily latte, or how much they would spend on lunch each day, to throwing out a load of clothes and de-cluttering their homes.
I’m pleased that my old life has gone, I wouldn’t want it back. Like a snake shedding its skin, I’ve shed so much of what wasn’t serving me. I may have gone to extremes in some people’s eyes though: I divorced just before the pandemic, and I not only left a job/company I didn’t like, but I also ditched the career I’d spent years in.
Yes there are fears around what comes next and I’m having to rely on savings until I can bridge across to generating a new income, but I awoke to the realisation that if I didn’t take this opportunity now, the approximate halfway point of life, then it would’ve been a life based on regret and not knowing. An itch left unscratched.
The first half of my life, to use a sporting analogy, I played it safe. I played within myself. Whereas now, starting the second half, I want to earn ‘Player of the Match’ or ‘MVP’ (Most Valuable Player). I’ve had to change my team around too. Some previous players weren’t contributing and have been subbed off, and some I’d given too much of a role, they’ve either gone or their position in my life has been tweaked by setting new boundaries. I’m now ready to become the star player in my life.
Cheesy sporting analogy aside, you can do the same for yourself. Don’t put others in your life up on a pedestal, put yourself in the driving seat. You don’t have to get rid of people or situations like I did, but you do have to start standing up for yourself and steering your own ship. You can politely ask people to stop or start doing things, you can reset boundaries.
The ones who are truly on your team will be pleased you finally showed up and they’ll do anything to facilitate your new vigour. Those who aren’t, however, will show their true colours - toys will be thrown out the pram. You’ll raise your level, some will be drawn to you, others will be repelled from you - like magnets. That’s ok, it’s all fine. You’ll create your new tribe around your core values, then you’ll start to thrive.
Now you’re more aligned with what you want and who you are, you’ll re-discover your curiosity around different things - some old interests may re-surface, some new entirely random hobbies may appear - don’t judge or close anything off. This is how you know you’re on the right path to uncovering your purpose. Follow your curiosity with courage.
Curiosity DIDN’T kill the cat, a dull, sedentary life that caused pain and suffering is what actually nearly killed the cat. Be curious, have the courage to follow anything and everything that piques your interest. For example, in this last few months, I’ve started whittling and carving wood. I thought it was a bit random to begin with until I remembered that one of my fondest childhood memories was whittling sticks with my Grandad.
It’s never too late to start something new. Make a list of the things that lit you up as a child, do those things again. Rediscover your sense of playfulness and joy, you’ll unlock some hidden creativity, do some painting, some colouring, drawing - anything.
Arrange flowers, lift weights, do photography, try Pilates, cook a recipe from scratch, go rock climbing, learn a musical instrument, hang upside down from a tree. Or like I did, setup a website and start writing a blog. I’ve always loved writing, sharing ideas, attempting to put into words the ideas in my head in the hope that I may have made a connection with the mind and soul of the reader. Or even if no-one ever reads it, at least I’ve taken a thought, and through a creative process, put it out into the world and that’s a beautiful thing in and of itself.
What could you take from inside that big, magical brain of yours, and manifest into being? What did you do as a kid for hours that felt like time had stopped? Maybe that’s what you should be doing? Or maybe a version of that? Reconnect with old pastimes, try new ones - don’t worry about feeling silly. Get that child-like sense of wonder back and see where it leads.
By doing it whenever you can, fit it in around your life, make time if you must - you can make it part of your routine and then it just feels like something you would normally do. It can be a hobby to begin with, but if you find that it truly makes your heart sing and you wish to pursue it, then look into how you can make it a career.
The best explanation on how to uncover your purpose that I’ve seen recently is by Martha Beck, who was Oprah Winfrey’s Life Coach - I mean, you can’t get better than that in terms of success. She talks about the ‘5 Paths to Your Purpose’, it’s a 55 minute video where she takes you through various methods towards opening yourself up, uncovering the things that will light you up and re-connecting with your true self.
I found it hugely helpful, she’s lovely and engaging with a really sharp sense of humour. It’ll probably be one of the best hours you spend. I kept pausing it, rewinding and taking notes throughout - it really is full of wisdom that will help. Try it and see what things it stirs up in you. And, as with the best things in life, it’s completely free! Ditch Netflix for an evening and give this a go, thank me later.
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
So, finally, getting to the point of all this. Make sure you have no death-bed regrets, minimise the potential for the future you being able to say things like ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’. Stop repeating those limiting beliefs many of us have ‘I can’t because… I’m a Mum/Dad/business person/too tired/it’ll never happen/I tried before and failed/I just don’t have the time…’ - we don’t have as much time as we think we do!
By doing more of the things you love means you’ll have a happier, healthier life and by extension you’ll be helping contribute to a happier, healthier world.
By being more of who you are meant to be, you’re helping the world to be a better place.
Love
LP x
