#17 Mind Your Language
~ 20 minute read time ~
When I say ‘mind your language’ I don’t mean stop swearing or cussing, cos fcuk me I love a good swear. I’m not a prissy person when it comes to creative ribaldry. I’ve always admired varied and broad vocabularies, especially when it leads to a humorous pay-off.
What I mean when I say ‘mind your language’ refers to how language influences thought and vice versa. What you think can shape the things you say, and do. Equally the things you say can feedback and shape your thoughts.
“We are the authors of our own lives.”
There is a whole theory around this called the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, it can also be referred to as linguistic relativity and yada yada yada I won’t bore you here with it, you can Google and find out for yourself if you so desire, this is a blog for entertainment rather than scientific rigour.
Anyway, in short - the theory is that to various strengths of effect, language may influence thought either completely, to some affect, through to the idea that thought is completely separate from language. What’s interesting is that when I think, I think in English so my take on it is that language MUST influence thought on some level.
Different languages may give rise to differing thoughts that form a wider conscious collective which results in an agreed culture. Which is why things like humour varies so much between nations, how often do we hear a joke that’s patently unfunny in our language to then be told ‘it was lost in translation’?
Here’s an example of how language can affect thought and behaviour. Let’s say someone jumps in front of you in a queue, they turn around and go ‘Oh sorry, were you next?’, you can respond in any number of ways which will change your perspective on the situation. How you choose to language your perspective on it may affect how the situation plays out:
‘I was miles away, no worries. You go ahead.’
‘Oh no you’re fine, I was just deciding if I needed to go back and get some eggs’
‘I was next but no problem’
‘Yes I was next ACTUALLY!’
‘OMG you jumped the queue you #$%”*@ I WILL END YOU!’
This range of possible responses illustrates how you’d choose to react from ‘no problems here pal’ right through to you throwing down, wrestling a fellow human to the floor causing a scene in the middle of the supermarket.
The subtle point is you can still have a negative thought, but choose to language it differently. The options above can either make a small thing diffuse and evaporate causing no further issues. Or, if you choose to feel aggrieved, let the red mist descend and tell yourself a different story then you have the potential to create even more suffering than was provoked.
If you decided in that split second that being jumped in front of in the queue was so heinous and injurious to your very being, that you just had to react to that mindless, horrible person who jumped the queue! You may see how to connect the dots from thought > language > action. They may very well not be a mindless, horrible person at all, they may just have not seen you waiting.
With so many different perspectives, the benefit of any doubt is probably better than always taking the nuclear option as a response.
Have you ever heard someone moan about ‘WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?’ followed by some kind of heavy sigh or adult tantrum? It could be one of those friends in your life that you love dearly, even though they’re a huge liability. They see the world as against them, they always get into tangles and can’t see how or why it keeps happening.
And you, as a dear friend may not have the heart to say ‘Honestly mate/bud/pal/sweetie, it’s you I’m sorry to say. You are the common denominator in all of your woes. You bring it on yourself!’. Unless, of course, you have the whole tough love type of friendship where brutal honesty allows you to help them course correct and manifest better outcomes for themselves?
I find language and thought so intertwined that there is a powerful method for helping to coach ourselves out of any ruts, or sticky thoughts so we can make changes in how we think and feel. Therefore, positively impacting the choices, actions we take and ultimately, how we manage our lives.
It starts with our self-talk, our inner voice. How we choose to talk with ourselves and how we verbalise our internal responses to external stimuli is the only thing over which we truly have any control. Equally, what we choose to listen to and consume affects how our thoughts are shaped. Do we take on other people’s opinions, do we like what they’re saying? Are we influenced by how others speak to us?
Let’s take a current real-life example of how language can affect our thoughts. Right now, November 2020, the UK is in a second lockdown. I’ve been watching and listening carefully to how people have reacted to the news, going back to the original lockdown in March, how they have chosen to speak about it, and how they’ve verbalised the resulting internal state as a response to it.
Some people have said things along the lines of ‘oh well, we knew it was likely. We’ll just get on with it because we’ve done it before, we can do it again’. Others have wailed and moaned ‘OMFG, I’m so fed up with all this. I can’t cope. The economy is screwed, we’re all doomed’.
The first type of person has chosen language that attempts to focus on a measured, stoic attitude. Internally they may be feeling a range of emotions, but by choosing words that lessen the negative narrative means their thinking will be influenced and the resulting mindset will probably mean they’ll endure the second lockdown better than the moaning person.
Please don’t think I’m judging anyone for feeling bad about the second lockdown, I’m not - all emotions and responses are true for each person’s own experience.
Everyone’s perspective is true of their own experience - it’s not THE truth, it’s THEIR truth. Which is why everyone will have very different reactions to this latest news. My perspective of a second lockdown is relatively positive mainly because I will carry on as normal, more or less: I live alone, work from home, I have my kids over a few times a week and every other weekend. I do my grocery shopping as needed - so no major changes for me. Others may be much more affected based on their lifestyles and will respond accordingly to the level of impact on them.
What I’ve really found interesting, is the sudden commonality of phrasing used by the Media, businesses and the general public during this period. I soon became a little sick of reading email updates from CEOs and business owners about what their companies were doing by constantly using such similar phrasing:
‘In these unprecedented times…’
‘In such difficult times…’
‘We’re in crazy times such as this…’
‘In these uncertain times…’
The above phrasing may seem innocuous to many people, but to me this use of language has an insidious effect, especially in its constant usage and repetition. It spreads across the collective consciousness, almost like a hypnotist planting the seed of suggestibility in an unsuspecting patient.
By using such a broad grouping phrase like ‘these times’ to generalise the situation we find ourselves in, it gives the impression of an indefinite, prolonged period of time. Instead of acknowledging that, yes indeed, it may be a difficult moment, a specific snapshot in time, or a tough few months - by saying things like ‘in these difficult times’ it gives it a sense of being drawn out and paints a forlorn picture without the hope of a definite end.
Now prefix ‘times’ with a suitably alarmist adjective ‘uncertain’, ’unprecedented’, ‘difficult’, ‘tough’ or even ‘crazy’, and the scene is set.
Now, you may not have even noticed it but language nerds like me, pore over every word and phrase to wring out every possible meaning. Yes, it can be a little tiresome, but I love language and psychology because they both work together to serve as an outward projection of people’s inner states. I pick up on not just usage but patterns of usage from the news to overheard conversations in the supermarket.
All of a sudden ‘in these difficult times…’ became an overused phrase in all news outlets, then it very quickly became part of everyday speech.
The phrase that annoyed me the most was ‘in these uncertain times’ - my immediate thought was, when has life ever been certain? There’s a level of arrogance in the assumption that we have any element of control over our lives. It shows just how fragile human mentality can be, how illusory many of our perspectives on life can be.
Also, the equally niggling ‘NOW MORE THAN EVER’ is a phrase that makes my brain want to throw up. As does the oft-spouted ‘NEW NORMAL’ - BARF.
Being forced to accept we have very little control in life, may have disturbed many but for others, like me, it revealed how much of our previous lives had been full of wasted time, unnecessary busyness, too much focus on distraction and material matters as opposed to just Being, enjoying our existence on this spinning rock we call ‘Earth’.
I haven’t entirely worked out why but I do feel the use of this language is designed to illustrate our complete lack of control in this situation, by adding to the perceived fearfulness around the event itself. I believe it has added to unnecessary suffering in many whose mental health may have been unduly impacted due to the feeling of forlornness.
The Government, Media and those who carefully craft the messages that we’re fed daily may have consciously, or unconsciously, chosen language that purposely put us all in a more fearful state than necessary. Therefore making us more compliant and accepting of the proposed changes. The tone should’ve been informative, serious but not overly-alarmist. Although, I suppose once you’ve scared someone, you then have their undivided attention.
Anyway, back to the original point, using this recent shared history as an example of how we use language to help clarify our thoughts and feelings, it illustrates that there is an element of choice for every one of us.
When the initial information came out about the pandemic and resulting lockdown, you may have thought ‘oh ok, if we must let’s do what’s necessary. Hopefully it’ll only be a few weeks or months.’ Then you put on the news ticker feed:
BANG! WALL TO WALL NEGATIVITY!
‘DAILY DEATH TOLL’
‘COVID CASES ARE ON THE RISE’
‘IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES…’
‘MILLIONS OF WORKERS ARE BEING FURLOUGHED OR MADE REDUNDANT’
‘FURLOUGH! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?’
‘BORIS JOHNSON HAS AN EMERGENCY UPDATE AT 5PM’
Then you switch the news off, and you feel much worse than you did. Not because you’re more informed, but because you’ve been peppered by fearful, negative language that was chosen by someone else. They’ve chosen the narrative which you’ve consumed by watching or reading it.
Now you have time to ruminate on the matter, and as we know our monkey minds start working overtime on the ‘fight or flight’ response and the result is we then feel more anxious, panicky and uneasy.
Maybe the Government felt they had to strike a scary tone to ensure we absolutely listened to and followed their lockdown protocols? Who knows.
Knowing how language and thought are so closely linked, we should all be mindful of our internal monologues and self-talk as well as what we say to others because it does affect thoughts and actions. The following quote illustrates brilliantly how the words we use are like arrows, whether meant intentionally or not, they will always hit a target - so be careful where you aim your words.
“Every arrow finds its target.”
Try this as a thought experiment next time something happens and you’re not quite sure how to feel about it, talk about it in positive terms. Language it in a way that makes you feel good about it. Then notice how you feel afterwards. I bet you’ll feel better, empowered and untroubled by those circumstances?
Then, do it again around another situation. This time, choose negative words to describe it and, again, notice your resulting state. You will probably feel worse, upset, helpless and powerless as a result.
It’s a genuinely powerful technique.
“Change your thoughts: Change your life”
To summarise, how you language something determines how you think and feel about it, so choose your words wisely.
In short - mind your language, language your mind.
Love
LP x
