#11 The Fear Sting
~ 18 minute read time ~
“Where focus goes, energy flows.”
You may have heard of the Law of Attraction, or maybe you haven’t. Or you have but decided it was bullshit? Either way, essentially it means that you will attract into your life whatever you focus your energy on. It seems a bit simplistic, but this is basically the principle in a nutshell.
It’s like how you spend your money - do you buy things that are good for you, enriching - such as healthy food, fun experiences, things that make your home comfortable, holidays for your family and so forth. The good stuff. Or do you fritter it away on tat for yourself, things you think you really wanted but didn’t, unhealthy food, another pair of shoes you didn’t need?
Your focus and your energy are similar to money, in that you have a certain amount of it and you choose where it’s directed. You can create more, just like you can earn more money, so it is a renewable resource but you can point it at things that bring abundance, health, contentment and happiness. Or you can waste it on worry, stress and anxiety that further attract the same.
It’s a choice of mindset, it’s setting the parameters of how you want to speak, act and feel. If your mindset is stuck in a negative pattern, then guess what you get more of? Yep, you guessed it - you get more stress, fear, worry, anger and hate.
The Universe will give you more of the things you focus on. If you choose to dwell on the past, repeating negative behaviours, keep having the same arguments and ending up feeling bad as always then that’s what you’ll get more of.
Don’t worry though, you have the power to change it. It takes a little bit of awareness and discipline though, are you up for it?
I talked before in a previous article about awareness, and how that once we become aware and conscious of our thinking it acts like a light. If you bring this awareness to every negative thought as soon as it arises, rather than thinking “Oh no, I feel low again - why do I always do this? Typical me, I suck!!!” STOP. Shine your light of awareness into your darkness. You’ll see there’s nothing there. Your monkey mind was trying to trick you into repeating a cycle.
Your monkey mind, your ego, your base self, wants certainty - it wants the ‘Known’ because it’s safe, it’s familiar. Problem is it guarantees that you’ll be stuck. You may think, “yeah but I like certainty, I like knowing what’s what!” Well, the certainty in this scenario is misery. You repeat the same thoughts, the same language, the same patterns and you’ll stay in the ‘Known’, you’ll be safe but something will always be missing. You’ll seek comfort in external things because you can’t stand to be with your own thoughts.
You’ll find comfort in a box of donuts, or a bucket of chicken, or a bottle of gin, or look for fulfilment in other ways - bad relationships, retail therapy, drugs? Whatever your ‘ism’ is - materialism, alcoholism, narcotism, foodaholism (yes I know it’s not a word) - you’ll use it as an emotional crutch and that’s where the harm comes. It’s never enough, so you need more each time just to prop yourself up.
The Law of Attraction will say, “this person is sending out fear and pain, if that’s the order then let’s send them more of what this person wants…” There’s no malice intended. Imagine you’re in a restaurant and you mumble your order to the waiter, you weren’t clear in what you were asking for. The wrong food arrives, you either get angry and complain and the evening goes sour or you choose to feel bad and not say anything, and the evening is still less than what you’d hoped for.
Anger was my ‘emotional home’. Your ‘emotional home’ is the thing you always fall back on, when in moments of doubt or fear - this is the thing you revert to. When I was stressed or fearful, I would display anger - it’s what I grew up with and what I knew. Anger is bad news. Letting off steam is one thing, but constantly being angry and carrying anger for any period of time is dangerously unhealthy for you and ultimately pushes people away. Trust me, I know, I was the expert in it.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
My biggest issue was that I constantly reacted angrily to stressful situations, instead of trying to work towards a solution. I would just flip out at the problem. Then I’d feel terrible afterwards because the problem would inevitably resolve itself, but I’d be left with that horrible empty feeling of showing my weak character when those around me needed me to be strong.
Anger is the external representation of inner fear. Look at the animal world, have you ever tried walking through a field when a cow is nursing her calf? If she perceives you as a threat to her young, she may charge at you. Cows for the most part are pretty contented and docile, but fear can make all kinds of beings act aggressively or defensively if they sense there’s a perceived threat.
Look at how Donald Trump conducts himself. Constantly tweeting, being aggressive towards certain sections of society, protecting his ego and communicating from a defensive perspective. He must be carrying some unresolved issues, he must have a lot of inner fear that he projects outwards.
Imagine for a second that he’s not the President, instead he’s a homeless guy on a park bench drinking alcohol from a brown bag and screaming angrily at the pigeons? Easy to walk past and judge right? Except, he was put in a position of power where he can visit his own pain onto hundreds of millions of citizens.
I used to think he was a terrible man, arguably the worst President in history(?) but now I realise he’s just acting out from a position of pain, of sadness. He hasn’t healed his inner issues. Maybe he didn’t get enough hugs or validation as a kid? There are many similar people in the world, they’re just not the President of the U.S.A.
For my own anger issues, I started sitting with it and facing the discomfort rather than acting on it. The red mist would still descend but instead of flying off the handle as always, I’d take a second to stop responding to my monkey mind who demanded justice, revenge or whatever petulant need it wanted. I'd have a dialogue with it “hang on a sec, why am I angry? Do we know for sure this is the situation?” So many times before I would be angry then the thing that caused my ire, would actually be me completely misreading the context. Then would come the embarrassment, the shame, the guilt.
A great real world example that may help illustrate is this; have you ever been sitting outside with friends or family when a wasp starts buzzing around? Some people choose to sit still knowing that the wasp will eventually fly away. Meanwhile, others start panicking, flapping their arms, running around and causing a scene?
Which one are you?
If you choose to flap around in a state of fear, guess what? You’re more likely to get stung by the wasp. Your fear of getting stung IS THE THING THAT WILL MEAN YOU END UP GETTING STUNG. In all likeliness, you were not going to be stung by the wasp, but you chose to act out of fear. The fear spread to the wasp and then the wasp acted in fear by attacking and stinging you. You made it happen. You stung yourself.
Dodgy analogies aside, the point remains that you have a choice of action, a decision of how to behave in any given situation and that’s all you ever have control over. If you constantly ‘choose’ to act fearfully, then you’ll get more of that. However, if you can break the cycle of mindless action and consciously choose to react from a position of calm then that’s a much better platform from which to launch your desires into the Universe.
Choose your language wisely, your self-talk helps to determine your thoughts - say things like…
“I love it when [..] happens!” rather than “I hate it when [..] happens”
If you don’t get that job you interviewed for, say to yourself “I didn’t get the offer on this one, because I’m being freed up to get something even better down the line” or “That date I went on didn’t work out, maybe someone lovelier is just around the corner?” or “That argument I had with my spouse/partner shows me that I need to bring some awareness to that situation, or I need to let something go for the benefit of the relationship so it doesn’t crop up again”.
Things happen all the time - it’s completely up to you to choose if you label them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Why judge it, why label it at all? Just Be and let it flow, don’t judge.
So next time, try choosing to act from a place of positivity and love rather than negativity and fear and see what comes. Do a mini-experiment, try it with different people and situations then observe the results. See how people respond to you differently, see how patterns play out based on this subtle yet very powerful change that you’ve made.
Back to the Law of Attraction then;
Fear creates more fear,
Anger brings more anger,
Selfishness generates more selfishness,
Hate begets hate.
Are these the emotions you want to perpetuate?
Courage creates more courage,
Calm and happiness brings more calm and happiness,
Compassion generates more compassion,
Love begets love.
Try it, try it again, then it’ll become a habit and by doing this you’ll have crawled out of that emotional rut you’d found yourself in. You’ll feel better, both mentally and physically. People will notice and respond in kind.
You are the author of your own experience, why not write a happy, fulfilling and meaningful story?
If you don’t flap about, you’re less likely to get stung by fear.
Love
LP x
